When fishermen can’t get to sea, they stay home and mend nets. I don’t know where this saying came from originally, but it rung in my mind this morning as I sat home untangling yarn from my yarn basket. When Crafters can’t get to craft shows, they stay home and organize their crafting supplies.
January, and the season for selling is done. Most folks stay home and husband their resources this time of year. Lick their wounds and wonder why they spent so much on holidays. Wonder how to make it through to Spring. Wait for the sun to return. Wait for warmer weather. Wonder how to keep the lights on.
I have much to be grateful for. Last month was a godsend of activity. I earned a record amount in my freelance work as an artist and designer. My income as an artist matched my needs almost like the gods were keeping tally. I have all that anyone could ask for: good friends, love in my heart, good relations with family, community, warm home, sustenance, surprises, safety, sanity… serenity.
In the silence following such business, it’s easy to feel empty and adrift. I am grounding myself with small tasks. Usually my mind wants to hurry up and figure it all out. What will I do the coming year? How will I make a living? What is the best path? How can I control it all? But lately I am practicing not figuring it all out. I’m practicing just sticking to the tasks at hand and allowing the universe to take care of the rest. Scary? You betcha. But also a relief. I’m no good at figuring it all out. It takes a lot of energy to pretend I can. Much better to just stick to what I know. Like untangling yarn.
Here is a rune that I used to draw this time of year. The internets drew it for me while I was searching Google for the source of that net mending quote:
Nauthiz = Constraint, Necessity, Pain
The necessity of dealing with severe Constraint ls the lesson of Nauthiz. The positive aspects of this Rune represent the limitations we directly cause ourselves; its negative side attracts limitations from those around us. Both are equally difficult to handle. The role of Nauthiz is to identify our shadow, our dark and repressed side, places where growth has been stunted, resulting in weaknesses that we project onto others. Don’t take this world personally, this Rune is saying: Work with the shadow, examine what: inside you magnetizes misfortune into your life. When at last you can look upon Nauthiz with a smile, you will recognize the troubles denials, and setbacks of life as your teachers, guides and allies. The need for restraint is unquestionable here. Drawing this Rune indicates that there will be holdups, reasons to reconsider your plans carefully. There is work to be done on your self. So take it on with good will and show perseverance. This is a time to pay off old debts, to restore, if not harmony, at least balance. So mend, restore, redress – when fishermen can’t go to sea they repair nets. Let the Constraints of the time serve you in righting your relationship to your Self. Be mindful that rectification comes before progress. And once again, consider the uses of adversity.
Oh… yeah… exactly.
I have a garage and a home full of supplies. Too many for my two hands to make use of. I have ideas in my head more numerous than any human could fulfill in one lifetime. Someday I want to find a way to share all these with others. But that time isn’t now. Now is a time for attending to things inside myself. My own small sphere. Mending nets. Tending my wounds from the battle of single motherhood I have just come through. The seas are done, finally, with tossing me about. I didn’t drown. I washed ashore and can walk again. Getting my land legs back.
This month will find me sorting and organizing. Letting go of things unneeded. Getting down to brass tacks. Finding the bones. Exposing the architecture of my life. I’m starting Step Four… a fearless and searching moral inventory. Oh woe. Oh whoa! Oh wow. I’m gambling on faith. I’m fledging a gambol. I’m steering a gondola. I’m garnishing a fudge sundae.
This month I will turn 45 and celebrate 15 years sober. Good round numbers. One third of my life sober. Still learning. Still a newcomer in some ways. Beginners mind.
When I come up for air I’ll let you know how it went.